I’m finding this week really hard to get dressed for. The weather is starting to get cold (WHICH I LOVE!) but it’s so hard to dress for the in between. I went to private school starting when I was three. I have never had to pick out my outfit everyday. I’m starting to realize how difficult it is.
I have always put a lot of effort into my outfits, and even when I don’t, I still like to look nice and presentable. So, I thought when I would come to school, people would look at me like I was so weird because my goal is to always look put together. So, when I came to school I was very pleasantly surprised that people put in just as much effort as I do into how they look. And not just girls, boys too.
But, as I’m beginning to run out of clothes (although I have nothing against rewearing!!) I’m realizing how hard it is to keep up with others and my past self fashion-wise. Today was the first time I felt truly uncomfortable in what I was wearing. I have worn constricting clothing before, but it wasn’t that kind of uncomfortable. I felt really self-conscious.
The weather is too hot to wear leggings and boots but too cold to wear shorts. I changed my outfit three times today because I was boiling in my first outfit and couldn’t go through the rest of the day in velvet leggings and a thermal. I then wore a maxi skirt, and as I was walking through the dining hall, I felt frumpy and amish-like. I was truly uncomfortable and I felt all eyes on me all though I knew they weren’t. I finally settled on leggings and a light sweater before I went to choir practice tonight.
As I was walking through the dining hall, I realized what fashion does for me and why I put so much effort into my outfits. I love fashion and I love putting together cute things to wear. But, I also just realized that looking presentable and clean makes me feel better about myself. I can’t walk around confidently sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I just don’t feel comfortable. I like looking my best because I feel my best.
But, now that I have found this out about myself, I feel a pressure (not from anyone else but from me) to ALWAYS look nice because I know how it will make me feel if I don’t. Let the struggle begin!