I moved into St. Joe’s in late August and, even though I’m only about 35-40 minutes away from home, I have been having a really hard time with homesickness. I am pretty close to my family. I’m sad but I don’t know exactly why I’m sad. I know I can call my parents at any time and I’m not that far from home, but I’ve tried to split the cause of my homesickness up into three categories:
1. I know how busy my parents are and I don’t want to be the one to add more to their plate.
My mom just recently had a baby, her first boy, making it a grand total of 5 Hogan children. I know that my parents would do anything for me. But, with four younger siblings, I feel bad asking them to come pick me up at the spur of the moment or calling them just to cry. #oldersiblingprobs!!!!!
2. I have never been one to cry and it is so weird coming here and not being able to stop myself from crying.
(I’m the one singing horrible)
I have always characterized myself as a happy person, if I ever feel the need to cry, I think about all of the other things in peoples’ lives that give them a real reason to cry and my problem suddenly seems really stupid. I also believe if I am ever having a bad day, if I plaster a smile on my face, even if I’m not really feeling it, I will be able to get through it and eventually feel as happy as my face says I am. Here, I’m happy, I just have a constant reminder in the back of my mind I’m not yet as happy as I used to be. But, I know that I will eventually get back to that place!
3. No one told me how hard it was going to be to transition.
I was expecting it to be like when Tia and Tamera went away to school. Or, like Greek. I thought it was going to be a party every day. I can see it could be getting there, but I didn’t expect it to take that long. I just had really, really high expectations and my first few weeks didn’t live up to them completely but I can tell they eventually will. I’M VERY OPTIMISTIC!!